5 Olympic Events That Should Go Before Cycling

3. TEAM HANDBALL
Handball is like soccer meets basketball meets lacrosse meets a sport your alcoholic middle-school gym teacher made up to watch nerds get hit in the face with balls. Watching it doesn’t feel like being at the Olympics, it feels like being at the Y on an extremely unsuccessful singles night.

4. BADMINTON
What’s another name for an international badminton superstar? A failed tennis player. Hey fellas, if you’re going to play a pocket version of tennis in the Olympics, then at least make it ping-pong

5. ARCHERY
Using a bow and arrow to hit a bullseye is a skill. Math is also a skill. So is building a gazebo. And neither of those things are any fun to watch.