The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics are here and we’re super … not excited. It’s not that we don’t like events like skeleton, luge, snowboarding, ski jumping, or figure skating, er, ice hockey. It’s just that we need something more intense and that comes with higher odds of someone breaking their neck. Take these six winter sports, for example. Sure, they might be difficult to judge and difficult to determine who earns gold, silver, or bronze. But that’s not our problem now, is it?
#1. SPEEDFLYING
What’s speedflying? A hybrid of parasailing, skiing, and not giving a fuck. Your odds of going splat into the side of a mountain are sky high, but there’s also statistically no way you won’t get laid if you survive and show the footage to snow bunnies in the lodge.
#2.CRASHED ICE
Think Roller Derby meets ice hockey meets downhill skiing meets an all but guaranteed shattered tailbone if you slip and fall. Essentially, Crashed Ice is a mad dash down an icy hill wearing a hockey uniform. What’s not to love? Thing is, no matter how severe the damage someone sustains during a race, it’ll pale in comparison to what drinking Red Bull is doing to their innards.
