Should I get married to my love who proposed? Yes! But we have a slight challenge with people focusing more on the proposal and wedding, than the persons themselves. There are lots of arising issues which couples stay blind to, but get burnt by in marriage.
Forever is too long to suffer issues ranging from sex to addiction, mental health, cheating, abuse and more. May not be deal-breakers but they are enough to pause the wedding planning and deal with the issues. Then you can go on with the wedding, and get your monthly box subscriptions to ease your stress away.
As some ladies say, I think I want to marry you only if you tick my boxes. Below are some very important boxes to be ticked or you postpone the wedding.
- They’re bad at communicating
When a lady envisions marriage, she wants to get married to someone who she can share everything with. We make reference according to some bible verses which say “can two walk together unless they agree?” The answer is a resounding no! You should be able to discuss everything important with your partner. But in the case where this results in arguments or they avoid talks totally, there’s a problem.
If you can’t find your way around discussing the delicate matters, you have no business getting married yet.
2. You’re always the last person to know
Unnecessarily keeping things from the partner in order not to hurt them is not how to marry someone. When you goof, own up and work towards being better. It’s more damaging that the person who should know you the most is always the last person to know. It simply says you don’t trust them enough to come to bare to them.
And as the offended one, you should always listen and hear them out. Hysterics, grave anger, uncontrollable outbursts will make them hide from you. If you can’t trust your partner with mistakes, please don’t get married.
3. They make you second fiddle
When I get married, will I be able to cope with playing second fiddle? This is a very important question to ask yourself before saying those marriage vows. If your partner is one who will cancel plans with you in favor of flimsy alternatives, please reconsider. Take a step back and talk about it.
Never allow yourself to become a convenience. You’re precious! You’re a priority!
4. No sex, no talks about it
Can we get married to people we are not sexually attracted or comfortable with? Dry spells of greater sex will occur over time, it’s normal. But how about discussing it and talking of ways to better please each other? Or you just zone out and stop having sex altogether, because the sex isn’t good?
Every couple should have great sex and discuss it when it’s not so great. If as a couple, you can’t do this, pause the wedding plan.
5. They’ve gone through a life-altering change
A partner who has just recovered from an illness, lost someone, changed careers and all, isn’t in the best state of mind. They either want to detach from or cling to someone. So, if they want to cling, should we get married? If they want to detach, should we still force them to deal with marriage? No! They need time to settle into their reality and decide with a sane mind on their next step. It is wrong to rush them or make them believe that marriage’s what they need. A wedding isn’t compensation.
6. Emotionally explosive
Everyone has got their five minutes of madness. But when it becomes five minutes too many, should we get married and excuse that? A partner who’s emotionally explosive, volatile and lacks temper control needs to see an expert therapist before getting married. This is a strong sign of emotional abuse and subsequent violence which shouldn’t be ignored.
7. Problems with addiction
Don’t get married in a hurry if your partner has an addiction problem. Although not enough to call quit, what they need is professional help. Once they can recognize and accept that there’s a problem, walk with them through it. Remember it’s going to take commitment and time. But if they are in denial, you should walk. Love is not always enough to bear the subsequent strain.
8. Mental health issues
While preparing
for the wedding, focus less on the pomp and more on yourself and partner. If
they have any kind of mentally relayed issues, wedding planning makes it
skyrocket. The anxiety, stress, and jitters that come with the whole marriage
thing send them into a mental breakdown. Please, shift the wedding and get them
help from a mental health expert. They are more important than a wedding.
9. They cheated
This is a deal-breaker for some and not for others. But should such happen, put a pause on the wedding. The erring partner must show remorse, deal with it and make it right. They must actively work to earn your trust back before the wedding. Again, you must work with them to identify the cause of cheating. So that there are no repetitions.
Happenings before marriage pale in comparison to what happens when you get married. Deal with the issues at the early stages.
