Nobody wants to be short.
Tall guys not only bring home fatter paychecks and get laid more often — seriously, studies have shown this — they don’t need a stepladder to snag the Fruity Pebbles from the top shelf. But unless you can track down Zoltar, your chances of growing taller are pretty much zero.
Experimental procedures to enhance growth are out there, like limb-lengthening surgery where your bones are sawed and re-bonded together, but they’re usually reserved for people who have gone completely insane.
So if you truly want to grow taller and you’re not into going all Tom Cruise and wearing shoe lifts, the easiest, safest, and sanest thing to do is to create the illusion that you’ve grown taller. Just as there are ways to look fit when you’re not, there are tweaks you can make to your appearance will add a couple inches to your frame … or at least make it appear that you have.
Buy clothes that fit
Most adult men simply can’t — and shouldn’t even attempt to — pull off baggy clothes. But if you’re short, they also make you look stubbier. So if your clothes hang on you like a wizard’s cloak, they are too big. Oh, and if you hate to tuck in your shirt, that’s fine. But make sure it hangs no lower than the middle of your fly, or else you’ll look as tiny as a toddler.
Wear vertical stripes
Vertical stripes elongate the body while making you appear thinner. (So if you drop a few pounds and wear vertical stripes you’ll be extra thinner-er!) The opposite can be true for horizontal stripes and even plaid.
Buy suits with no more than two buttons
Two-button suits elongate your torso, broaden your chest, and are timeless; any more buttons than that, and you’ll at best look even shorter and at worst look like you built a time machine to raid the SportsCenter wardrobe room in 2005. Oh, and your jacket should fall just below the butt.
Trim your hair
Shorter hair creates a distinction between the head, neck, and shoulders. Long hair, like Eddie Vedder’s, covers the neck and makes that impossible. Now if you have Eddie Vedder hair and are only 5’7″ tall like Eddie Vedder, that’s fine — if you are Eddie Vedder. Otherwise, get a shorter haircut.
Drop a few pounds
Toning up — especially losing your gut — elongates your torso. Plus, finding clothes that fit will be easier. Hate the gym and want a bodyweight workout? Click here.
Dress in monochrome
Dressing in similar colors helps lengthen your shape by eliminating any breaks in the line of your body. Multiple colors breaks up your body into an upper and lower half, so the focus can shift to your teeny-tiny legs or torso. Stick with darker colors — blue, black, and gray — for added effect.
Don’t jack up your pants
The waist of your jeans should sit on the hips. If they ride any higher your torso will appear shorter. (Formal pants should ride higher.) Another tip: Avoid skinny jeans. They emphasize the length — or lack thereof — of your legs.
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