#7. This wouldn’t be an issue if that dude walking in the dark had himself a SOG Specialty Knife Dark Energy Aluminum LED Flashlight ($37 @ Amazon.com) This 5.06 lightweight flashlight destroys shadows with 231 lumens (which we’re guessing is a lot?), has a distracting tactical strobe light, and burns bright as hell for 32 minutes on full blast. When not in use, the 6.45-inch light can also be used as a badass baton.
#8. Everything about Freddy Krueger is gross, but can’t he at least get his rank breath under control? A few Wow Drops ($8 @ Amazon.com) and he’d at least give his victim a nice whiff of mint before swallowing her like a rattler eats a titmouse.
#9. Yeah, there’s an obvious, “Oh, Freddy stabs his friends in the back” joke in there somewhere, but it’s a shitty joke so let’s never speak of it again. Instead, how about that fedora! Still, we prefer any of these styles from Brixton ($30 and up @ Amazon.com).
