JACK HORNER’S VAN | BOOGIE NIGHTS
There’s a fine line between simple sleaze and the kind of high quality, well-financed sleaze you just have to excuse yourself for falling victim to. Porn king Jack Horner’s ride is decked out with all the niceties the 1970s had to offer. It’s the kind of ride where you can kick back and dream up your ultimate porn fantasy. Hell, you can shoot and probably edit it right in the back, too.
VERDICT: LAID
Also: 30 things we learned from Fast Times At Ridgemont High.
CHILI PALMER’S MINIVAN (GET SHORTY)
It takes a man of confidence and swagger to sell the notion that the Oldsmobile Silhouette is the “Cadillac of Minivans.” But if you can pull it off, you’ll have the toast of Hollywood eating out of your hand. It’s not the size of your van that matters, it’s how you drive it. Or something.
VERDICT: LAID
Also: Hey, remember that time we tried to interview Arnold Schwarzenegger?
B.A. BARACUS’ VAN (THE A-TEAM)
Here it is, the complete package. Slick, stylish, and badass. It’s the ride of a gentle giant kind of guy, the kind who’ll hold the door for a lady and punch the will to live out of any guy who offends her. When a van is the most memorable character from a TV show, you know it’s legendary.
VERDICT: SUPER LAID
Also: You haven’t lived until you’ve seen video of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s best movie splits.
