Port-O-Rotary Cell Phone ($300)
Owning a Port-O-Rotary phone sends people a clear message: You will go to any length for a joke. This is, in fact, an old phone; the outer shell comes conveniently pre-scuffed because it’s a recycled rotary phone. The original bell ringer is underneath, but aside from it, the innards are all digital. Simply take your SIM card out of your mobile and stick it into a port on the, uh, Port-O-Rotary, and you’re good to go; it’s charge lasts up to five days. Of course, you’d better write down those numbers, because there are no screen on these gizmos — so you can also forget about texting. Is it a pain in the ass? Hell yes. But answering this thing while you’re out at a bar would be kind of worth it.
