Gerber Gator Machete ($30)
What do watermelons, path-obscuring brush, and evildoers’ arms have in common? They’re no match for a good machete — which brings us to the merciless 18-inch blade of the Gerber Gator. A rubberized handle long enough for a two-handed grip means you’ll have little problem bushwhacking your way through even dense jungle. And should you emerge from that jungle in the vicinity of your neighbor’s yard — you know, the one who won’t shut the hell up about his brand-new grill — the 14-inch saw opposite the blade means you’ll have little problem relieving his grill of its legs while the jerk is out of town.
