Week One: Fat-Burning Superset Workout
SET 1
• Dry heave. Ideally, do so while shoplifting greeting cards for no discernible reason.
• Steal a municipal garbage can and try to sell it for scrap.
• When refused, drag can until failure while yelling obscenities at no one in particular. Breathe diaphragmatically and alternate can-dragging hands.
SET 2
• Drink something that you find in an opened can on the ground in an abandoned lot. Keep abdominals engaged.
• Hurl your garbage can into a river. (Remember: Hurl with your legs, not your back.)
• Alternate sprints and pimp walks alongside river. Cock your neck at a bizarre angle while keeping deltoids engaged.
COOLDOWN
• Notice a garbage can in the river!
• Dive in to retrieve garbage can.
