You and she clicked. Maybe you made out. And now, you want to see her again. Awesome! Let her know … but follow these rules, because weird texting is as big a turn-off as bad hygiene or murse-carrying. I talked with my female friends to find their biggest pet peeves … avoid them, and enjoy date number two.
#1. DO IT QUICK
If we liked you, we want to hear from you. If we don’t like you, we still won’t like you if you wait two days to text. A simple I had a great time tonight will keep us from agonizing for hours and picking apart every angle of the date with our friends. Making sure you got home safe makes us feel protected and like you care about us. And if you didn’t like us? That’s cool—please don’t text us to tell us so. And while it may seem chivalrous to send the “got home safe” text even if you have no intention of seeing us again, it just serves as a mindfuck. Didn’t see a report of a missing person on the news? Then we’re fine.
#2. FOLLOW OUR LEAD
If you don’t get a text back, sorry, she’s not that into you … and any more texts will make her think you’re a creeper. Keep it classy and let it go. But if she texts back, that means she’s into it, too. A few back-and-forths the night of the date are fine but say goodnight relatively quickly. After all, the initial after-date text is just to determine interest. It’s not to 1) make concrete plans, 2) talk about your childhoods or 3) sext.
#3. DO NOT SEXT
I can’t say this enough. Do not do it. Even if you and the woman in question actually had sex on the first date, keep all texts afterward G-rated. Even saying something like you’re so hot makes us think you want us only to be your friend-with-benefits, which can turn us off and make us feel weird. Compliment our brains, not our boobs, and we’ll get really psyched to see you again.
#4. HAVE A POINT
I hate when guys I barely know text me just to ask what’s up. It’s lazy. You’re exerting very little effort and requiring me to come up with a scintillating response on the spot. Because, the fact is, if you’re texting me at the next day, it’s likely very little is “up.” I’m checking my e-mail, I’m procrastinating at work, I want a coffee, I’m using my vibrator … whatever I’m doing is probably not something I feel like sharing. But I won’t text you that, I’ll have to dredge up some interesting anecdote and even thinking about that is exhausting. So text us to say something: Wish us luck on a meeting if we talked about that. Send a photo of your roommate’s weird-looking dog. Text an inside joke. But please do not ask us what’s up.
#5. MAKE A PLAN
If we’re both still texting, that means we like each other. So if she hasn’t already, now’s your time to plan date number two. I’m not saying you need to actually plan out the date—I’m all about equality—but I am saying that a day or two after the ‘I had a good time’ text ask us what we’re doing on the weekend so we can talk IRL instead of text.
#6. HOLD BACK ON EMOJIS
I polled my female friends and they agree: Too many emojis make even the greatest guy seem just a little off. Sexist? Maybe. But until we get to know you, stay conservative with the smileys.
#7. PLAY IT COOL
Eventually, if all goes well, you and she will be in a real relationship where you can sext, emoji, and send inane texts all you want. But until you reach that point, save texting for actually conveying information: Date plans, that something reminded you of her, or a cool thing you learned/did/saw that you think she’d dig. Too much texting makes the connection feel closer than it actually is, plus, it means we won’t have as much stuff to talk about the next time we actually hang out.
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